When the sun dies

I lost two very important women in my life, recently, and I must admit I couldn’t handle it that well. I know that we all have different ways to deal with death but in this past four months it was overwhelming how often I started to go to funerals. Four months, four funerals. And I was about to go to a fifth one if I didn’t know about it too late. It’s funny how life twists and turns. One moment you are peaceful and serene, knowing that death is part of the circle of life and all that hakuna matata way of thinking, and the next moment you are crying endlessly while in the bath because you feel that no one can understand the way you have got to know pain. Four months, four funerals. What the hell world?! Have you gone nuts?

I still can’t completely talk about this two very important women in my life without having tears in my eyes. In just one month, before my birthday, I have lost both of them. The most strong, stubborn and super women I have ever met. I could take years to describe them and all I have learned with them, but that is in my heart. I don’t need nobody to understand that.

I have this theory, maybe highly influenced by my favourite movie of all times, that when someone dies on Earth, it will be born in the sky. They become stars. Because I don’t really believe in angels in the way they are described. I believe in stars that shine bright in those breathtaking summer nights. In those who fulfill the sky like a thousand fireflies. And I believe, don’t know why, that they have some kind of power out there to give us some signs that they are looking for us.

It’s February. My birthday was one week ago. My last funeral was two weeks ago. The funeral before was one month ago. Well, as everybody can imagine, my birthday was a bittersweet day. I had my family and my friends around me, it was good, but this weird emptiness was making some noise in my heart and I couldn’t help but notice. I am now 21 and I finally realized that life is so swift and so unpredictable. We don’t own anybody or anything. We can’t avoid the tricky steps of life. We can’t try not to fall, sometimes you are supposed to fall. Sometimes pain gives you a new way of looking at everything. Suddenly the colours are brighter, the soul gets lighter and people become greater.

And when you least expect, when you are used to celebrate your birthday in the rain, you are given the most beautiful sunny day of the last months. And then the most wonderfull sunset…

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